By Melanie Bayes, 2025
I spent a recent weekend with a small group in a wonderful 17th century farmhouse near Skipton where we met to explore a process of communication and connection described by M Scott-Peck in his 1987 work: “The Different Drum”.
We had concentrated periods sitting in a circle, silently paying attention, whilst trying to observe Scott-Peck’s simple guidelines to help us consider: a) whether, b) what, and c) how, we felt compelled to communicate.
In following this process, the repeated emergence of a pattern has been observed. Commencing with the customary politeness of strangers, then evolving quite naturally into a phase in which differences and tensions within/between people begin to surface. How these manifest in the circle will depend on individual temperaments and skills. Meanwhile, the group collectively holds the space.
Travelling together for several hours through a wide spectrum of feelings, developing more nuanced understandings, having insights and realisations about self and others might provoke a recognition that something within is now calling for transformation; a belief, a viewpoint or a prejudice. Feelings of vulnerability might ensue as we negotiate necessary adjustments. Our group experience may culminate in a profound sense of shared adventure, connection and the elation that comes from having pushed back some of our self-imposed limits.
“What is the point?” you might be wondering. Well, the guidelines are mobile and can be wheeled into any life situation. They can help us to be more awake to one another, to take ownership of who we are, to take responsibility for “I” in place of pointing a finger at “you”.
If we view present problems through a lens of communication difficulties, the process offers possibilities to counter the measurable increase in polarisation, the fragility of human meaning, loneliness, prejudice and our woeful incapacities for honest and effective exchanges. It might never have been so important to have access to a framework that helps us to see, accept and respect one another.
This practice known as Community Building is promoted by committed volunteers who hope to organise a public workshop next year. If this has sparked your curiosity, do visit www.buildingcommunity.co.uk or register your interest at info@buildingcommunity.co.uk